To be Young, Perky and Drunk…er, Cherished!

c stodden 2013 image by e!online

Well, when Mocha was young, bright-eyed, firm and my hairline didn’t start way back behind my ears like it does now, I was approached by plenty of older men who wanted to marry or date me.  Sometimes they wanted to do both.  Ah, to be young and sought after!   What Mocha did not get back then was that dating men of advanced years for me often meant coddling, stroking and generally being “mommy” to them when all I wanted to do was party, drink, party and wear makeup.

By the time I was 18 older guys were practically throwing themselves at me!   Like my neighbor named Elmo, he was a 42 year-old never-been-married sanitation worker and part-time Karaoke King who held sing-a-long Fridays at his house that he shared with his elderly mother.  Elmo was a nice guy, but he was too “clingy.”  He was so smitten by me that he begged my mother to let him take me to Vegas to marry him.  Of course I could not marry Elmo, I barely knew him and my mother wouldn’t go for it and his mother absolutely forbade it!  Elmo got so upset he tried hanging himself with his Karaoke microphone from a tree in his front yard.  But, when he climbed out of his window onto the tree branch he fell and broke both his legs, one arm and cracked his hip.  Elmo’s injuries never healed properly and his mother had to care for him even though she was confined to a wheel chair and she only had full use of one eye that leaked and half her hearing. 

My mother felt sorry for poor Elmo so we both went with him to Vegas 6 months later.  Elmo dieceed to stay in Vegas with his mother and he built his act as Elmo and his traveling Karaoke Review, a food cart decorated in glitter with a pull-out platform for a stage and a bedazzled microphone, turntables and stereo equipment.  His mother was the dee jay, although, you had to shout your requests or place the book of songs directly against her good eye or she would put on the wrong song.

What was my point to the story?  Well, I forgot but my cocktail to help me “muse” about Courtney & her new full-figure: “Sex on the Beach” with:

Vodka de jourBelvedere.

My Mantra for Miss Courtney and hubby Doug: “If you’re happy and your heart’s in the right place, Mocha’s happy for you.”

This is the Mocha Bus Pass Lady signing off for now!  Cheers!

$100 Wipe and Toss; Lord Disick

What is it with “noted people” and genitals these days?  First young Miley wrapped her naked “lady bits” around a steel ball and now a father or two, SCOTT DISICK, has taken to wiping his pale booty hole with money.  Well, Mocha Bus Pass Lady says, whatever floats your boat.  Or, in Disick’s case, whatever gets your booty clean!

Scott Disick Instagram EDIT

What a fortunate young man Ms. Kardashian ended up with.  He’s not just ANY ole “baby daddy,”  Lord Scott Disick, inventor of $100-a-Wipe Booty Paper, displayed a “cheeky” persona when “blogging” yesterday about his financial status.  He is a daddy and lover with a wicked sense of humor who chooses to laugh at life rather than bemuse it.  Actually, if Lord Disick WAS to bemuse life it would probably be that using money to clean yourself hurts!  Or, perhaps Lord Disick is rehearsing for his new “rap” album with Weezy and Drake being produced by Dr. Dre, Snoop Puma and Diddy Combs. 

Lucky man having all those jobs!  Maybe in-between rapping and scratching up his pale booty in Benjamins, Lord Disick should become an inventor as well!  His first invention should be called the Money Diaper.  Mommys no longer have to scrounge their baby bags for their wallets, they simply break off a Benny from their kids’ backside!  Hurray for Lord Disick and his imaginative booty…brain!

My cocktail to help me “muse” about Lord Disick:  Pink Panties with:

Vodka de jour:  GREY GOOSE.

My Mantra for Lord Disick and his $100 booty wipe slash rap career:  After wiping your butt with harsh paper, use cocoa butter for the scratches, Aloe Vera for the pain and a patient coach for your ~belch~ rap career.  Excuse me, I’m on my third Pink Panty.

This is the Mocha Bus Pass Lady and her 4-Head Diaries signing off for now.  Bottoms up ~slurp~ and CHEERS!

Warm C**chie? Try Ice!

I am available to offer POSITIVITY to all including and ESPECIALLY Hollywood celebrities! Mocha Bus Pass Lady’s motto: “Smile and drink a cocktail!”

My current mantra offering goes to Ms. Miley Cyrus, a very talented singer, energetic, limber and beautiful young lady.

M cyrus pix 1-by E News copy

My cocktail to help me “muse” about Miley: Lemon Drop with:

Vodka de jour:  Clique Vodka, it’s the “New Black.”

My Mantra for Miley on a wrecking ball: “Warm coochie? Try ice.”

Let me explain. Cold steel against soft, warm “nether region” skin can be scratchy, unhealthy and well…cold. Mocha Bus Pass Lady suggests the next time perky and taut Ms. Miley swing with her nubile young body straddling a cast iron tether ball she might consider wearing a “cooch protecter,” a nude ice pack covered in fabric. I hate the thought of Ms. Miley walking away from her acrobatic video with a brillo-type rash that might stay with her until she’s old, flabby and barely able to straddle an exercise bike much less a wrecking ball! “Wrecking Ball” by Miley Cyrus – Mocha gives it a thumbs up!

This is the Mocha Bus Pass Lady and her 4-Head Diaries signing off for now. Bottoms up ~slurp~ and Cheers!

Mocha Bus Pass Lady is back and she’s drinking VODKA!

Helloooooo, everyone MBPL has returned.  I had a great time being away, but let’s face it, one can only have conversations with one’s animals for so long before it becomes boderline insane, right?

I am happy to report I have created a video blog to chat about and to give advice to, whom else, the lost souls of Hollywood!

I originally made videos about the ever elusive Singing Peartree Steve Perry.  But, poor Perry has truly given up on singing and he’s chosen the quiet solitary life.  Mocha Bus Pass Lady did not want to come off as a stalker or anything, so I set the poor old bird free, so to state. Mocha is now focused on giving her commentary  about all things Hollywood and beyond!

So, look for Mocha Bus Pass Lady’s Blog and sometimes video Blog or Vlog, coming to your computer screen soon!  Until then, no more dark liquor for ole Mocha, dark liquor can make ya nuts!  Long story short, four years later and lots of unauthorized video and pictures taken of Mocha, means goodbye Jack Daniels, helloooooo Vodka!   Cheers!