BOOTY, BALLPARK, and BLING ENGAGEMENT!

Kim and Kanye engagement 2013

Mocha Bus Pas Lady wants to congratulate Kim and Kanye on their engagement in the City by the Bay and Mocha’s hometown, San Francisco, California! Mocha wishes the best for them, their child North, and their lives together forever!

Ah, true love. Love has always been elusive for ole Mocha, however, I believe love exists for those who open up and accept it. One has to be willing to let go and give in to the feelings that take over one’s heart and soul. Like your first glance at the one you love that causes your bones to tingle. That tug at your heart that makes you so clumsy when you walk down the street you slip trip and fall. That butterfly feeling, that warm, fuzzy and nauseous feeling in your gut like the frightening moment you realize you have food poisoning. That feeling that causes your skin to itch as if you had poison ivy.  Ah, love is the best!  Reminds me of the one and only time Mocha almost got married.

His name was Elmo. Nice young man with a lazy left eye, a computer geek I think he told me he was.   I met Elmo on the bus one day while coming home from work. It rained hard that day and I forgot my umbrella. The bus when it rains can be a gnarly place; wet seats, wet passengers, evil drivers and everyone smells like wet dogs, whooo!

Elmo was a timid little guy, he looked scared, like he didn’t want to sit next to anyone.  He even apologized for sitting next to me.  Mocha did not have butterflies the first time I saw Elmo, matter of fact he seemed kind of creepy.  But, my feelings for him changed when he stood to ring for his stop he fell in the stairwell and broke his nose.  Blood gushed everywhere and no one helped the poor guy, so I waited with him until the ambulance came.  I could tell Elmo was “out of it,” because he called me Bertha and he asked me if I knew where his puppy was.  Then he grabbed my hand and examined it and told me I had Rickets.  He said he promised to pay me the $100 he owed me from the lap dance the night before, but that he thought my booty was flatter than most girls, therefore, he would only give me half.   He told me to wait until he got out of the hospital and he’d pay me.

The ambulance finally arrived and they took Elmo away and I went home dazed and confused, although, not as confused as poor Elmo.  What was the point to this story?  Who the hell was Elmo?  Did I almost marry Elmo or was it someone else?  Oh well, Mocha’s in a good mood from her third, or fourth, Apple Knocker Martini and that’s all that matters.  Mocha’s in such a good mood she wishes Mr. West, the future Mrs. West and baby West all the best.

Mocha’s mantra for the Wests:  Strap on Baby North, hold on tight to Kim’s butt and ride the cable car up and down California Street and sing disco songs to your heart’s content!

Mocha’s Vodka Choice:  Ketel One vodka

Mocha’s drink choice: Big Butt Apple Knocker Martini w/ & apple juice.

Until next time, this is the Mocha Bus Pass Lady and her 4-Head Diaries signing off!  Cheers!

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ABC, AEG, 1, 2, 3 no cash 4 the FA-MA-LEE

aeg jacksons Image by TMZ

Families can be complicated, can’t they?  One minute two people have a gaggle of kids that they loved so much they put all of them to work.  Sort of like the Kardashians except they’re black and they can sing and dance. The next minute one of them dies and all financial hell breaks loose!  But, Mocha doesn’t think there’s much to worry about for this thriving musical family.

With Mike gone and the AEG money missing in action, the rest of the Jackson siblings will have to return to supporting themselves like they did in the old days…churn out some awesome hits!  Even Jermaine JackSUN, his taser-loving children and his “shared” babys mother can get into the act!  Mocha predicts a compilation album or something as a tribute to all of the great work the Jacksons and Mike turned out.  Course, it’ll be hard getting Mr. and Mrs. Jackson to sing back up especially since neither of them look anything like Lawrence Hilton Jacobs and Angela Basset.  But, no worries.  Mocha says, “to hell with AEG cash, the Jackson clan are as resourceful as they have always been!”  Good for you, Jacksons!

Until they release their latest album suggestively titled, MAYBE TOMORROW I’LL BE THERE LOOKING THROUGH AEG’S WINDOWS, my cocktail to help me “muse” about the Jackson family and poor Jermaine’s sprayed on hairline: Bubbling Moonwalk Ciroc.” 

The Vodka de jour: Ciroc Vodka with a little champagne poured in.

My Mantra for the Jackson family and poor Jermaine’s delusional dreams of stardom and Tito’s always empty bottle of Pinot Noir: “THE LOVE YOU SAVE will NEVER SAY GOODBYE to a SUGAR DADDY, but MAMA’S PEARL will BLAME IT ON THE BOOGIE and SHAKE YOUR BODY DOWN TO THE GROUND.  Mocha has no idea what the hell that means, but I do hope the Jackson family ENJOY YOURSELVES and have a great time in the studio working your way back to riches and fame!  Mocha is very proud of you all for reaching for success and fortune the way you all once all strived so hard to do!

Until next time this is the Mocha Bus Pass Lady and her FOUR-Head Diaries signing off!  Cheers!