West rides North’s mom South

kimyePhoto courtesy of E. Degeneres Show

Mocha Bus Pass Lady just viewed a curious, cute, caustic, kind of quirky video by Mr. Kanye West and Ms. Kim Kardashian.  While Mocha is not a fan of motorcycles, I loved the fun way the new parents of baby North expressed their love to the world. 

Kimye, as the couple are deemed by their peers and fans, chose to express their love and devotion for each other in, what else, a video.  The video is an interesting moving camera shot of Kim bouncing naked to the rhythm of a motorbike and Kanye rapping with green screen mountain shots in a “I-am–not-afraid-to-be-provocative-with-my-lover” voyeuristic public way.  Hmm.  Would Mocha trust her boyfriend to ride her bare butt naked on a motorbike with her big brown boobs flapping in the wind  and slapping his nose while he rapped his undying love to her?  Let me get back to you on that one.

Speaking of bouncing naked on a bike, Mocha was caught in the rain this morning going to the dentist for a teeth cleaning.  I stood inside a wet BART station waiting for the downtown train when a man wearing a rain coat, sneakers and a baseball cap and he smelled like a wet dog, from the rain I assumed, approached me for a cigarette.  

When I answered the man, “no, sorry I don’t smoke,” he began to cry and accused me of judging him for being addicted to tobacco.  I told him I was addicted to morning coffee if it was any comfort.  Turned out our addictions bonded us and the next thing Mocha knew I was being followed by the rain-smelling transient for about three blocks.  I ducked into an alley to a motorcycle idling next to a dumpster. 

When Mocha was in her twenties her boyfriend dared her to ride his exercise bike naked; Mocha loved a dare.  She pulled off all her clothes and her ex-boyfriend picked her up and tried to set her on his exercise bike, but he accidentally dropped her and  caused her to bang her knee on the bike pedal.  Ouch!  Just when Mocha snapped out of that painful remembrance two young people, a young man and young woman, raced into the alley, jumped on the bike, both were dressed, and before Mocha could say “hey, you just ran over my bunions!” they drove off.

What the hell was my point?  Was I trying to help Kimye with their bunion issue?  Hmm, oh well.

Mocha’s mantra for the video-loving exhibitionists Kim and Kanye is: always find time to share your love with each other and with the world.  Love is what makes life absolutely bearable!  Also, Mocha thanks Kimye for sharing beautiful pictures of their little girl who, Mocha believes, will be their treasure for life.

Mocha’s Vodka de jour: Absolut

Mocha’s drink de jour:   Black and White Roaring Mojito – A blend or hard shake of ice; lime; mint leaves and brown sugar.  And add a splash of grenadine, and chapagne, Yum!

Until next time this is the Mocha Bus Pass Lady signing off.  Cheers!

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The secret to a happy life, WINGS!

VS pix 1 Adriana Lima
Adriana Lima

Well, another weekend approaches and Mocha Bus Pass Lady is very happy to spend her Friday night doing exactly what she does every other night, drink Vodka!  The last two weeks had poor Mocha getting over a horrible inconvenience, a cold coupled with allergies. Yes, it was a mucus-filled-cough-‘till-your-kidneys-explode party!  But, Mocha’s all better now and she’s ecstatic to be back to her happy, drunken self!

VS pix 2 Cindy Bruna
Cindy Bruna

Speaking of drunk, Mocha would have loved to have been invited to the Victoria Secret Fashion event in New York City.  Not just to view tall, skinny women in beautiful underwear, high heels and wings, but she would have loved to see all the noted folks” and celebrities ogling the fashion event.  I would have loved to interview those happy people and get the “scoop” on them and offer my services and mantras to help them in their daily lives.  Which reminds me of the time I went holiday shopping years ago.

VS pix 3 Alessandra Ambrosio
Alessandra Ambrosio

One cold November evening Mocha went holiday shopping for herself at the Ross Dress for Less store in downtown San Francisco, Ca.  I wore a long knitted sweater, floppy straw hat, dark shades and I toted a huge burlap bag, well it was my “purse.”  Mocha always carried big purses with her. Anywhoo, security kept following ole Mocha, which was slightly annoying, after all, I had planned on purchasing items.  To prevent any further shifty-eyed perusal of Mocha by security I removed my shades hoping they would lighten up, they didn’t.  I then I removed my sweater and tossed it over my arm.  I continued to walk to the back where they had the bras and panties and I began filing through the racks.  Unbeknownst to poor Mocha, who had been drinking earlier that afternoon with a couple of girlfriends, I was completely bare butt-naked, not a stitch, not a bra, not panties.  I wore shoes.

VS pix 4 Joan Smalls
Joan Smalls

I didn’t think I had that many drinks, but apparently I had more to drink than to eat!  Luckily for poor inebriated ole Mocha and her little brown bare body, including fifty pounds of mid-life boobage that happily flopped side to side and up and down, grateful to be free from the restraints of my bra, I was pounced upon by a tiny Asian woman, a tourist, whose salivating, also Asian husband, could not take his eyes of my huge purse.  Or my boobs, whichever.  She covered me with her coat and within moments security snatched me up and dragged my drunk-ass to the back room to wait for the cops.  Good lord, what was my point about Victoria’s Secret? 

I do remember sitting in a Ross Dress for Less overcoat in the back room while I waited for the cops to take me to jail for an overnight “sober slumber.”  One of the security guards, one of many who followed me around the store, offered me a plate of fried chicken wings which I thought was nice.  Maybe WINGS, I wanted to talk about wings.  They were delis!  Eating those wings did kind of save Mocha, well it helped me to sober up since I had not eaten since gulping down all those martinis with my girls.  Yeap, wings held me up like the wings Vickie’s Secrets models wore on their backs.! Speaking of models, Mocha would like to offer a mantra for those lovely tall, skinny Vickie’s Secret models who wear beautiful wings, but who endure painful cat walking in eight-inch heels.

Photos courtesy of Eonline.com 2013

Mocha’s mantra for Vickie’s Secret models:  Ladies, overly long heels make your long legs look like chop sticks inside melons. To help with tight shoes, bunions and falling all over the cat walk, Mocha’s mantra for you is that you learn to cat walk barefoot, but paint your feet to look like shoes, like you paint your bodies to look like clothes.  Trust Mocha, no one will ever notice. 

Mocha’s Vodka of Choice for Vickie’s Secret models: Tito’s Vodka Tito’s vodka is gluten free and super delis!!

Mocha’s drink of choice for the Vickie’s Secret Models:  Vickie’s Naked “Secret” Martini – Cucumber Vodka Martini w/lime and agave nectar.

Until next time this is the Mocha Bus Pass Lady and her 4-Head Diaries signing off!  Cheers!

Snakes on a “plain” girl!

Rihanna GQ two 2013                                                                                       Photo courtesy of GQ magazine 2013

Ah, Mocha loves the energy Miz Rihanna gives! She is fire, she is ice, sometimes she is a little girl, sometimes she is a grown-ass woman or a tatted-up vixen or an herb-smoking Rasta gal or sometimes she poses naked with snakes covered over her body. Yikes! Not something ole Mocha would ever try especially considering her middle-aged boobs no longer stay perked up. If I held a snake across my naked upper torso I would probably smother the poor beast to death! Nothing wrong with snakes, nothing at all if you don’t mind slippery, slimy long vermin that could swallow whole a 10 pound feline.

Rihanna GQ 2013

Rihanna is a busy working girl, she needs time to blow off steam and wrap snakes around her nubile young body, what 20-something wouldn’t? Which reminds me of the time I visited with a friend whose roomie kept a long, white pet snake in a cage underneath his bed. I think his name was Rocky.

Anyway, Rocky was an old snake, so he spent most of his time underneath the bed in the darkness. But, occasionally my friend’s roommate let Rocky out to peruse the apartment. On the day I visited the roomie asked me to check in on old Rocky. I was scared, but I bravely opened the bedroom door and looked under the bed and to my surprise Rocky was not there. I looked out of the open window and still no Rocky. Then I saw a long white thing slither up the wall toward the window, the snake was inside the bedroom. I let a screech like a weather-worn Horseshoe Bat with its ears caught on a prickly tree branch and I bolted out of the window and onto the ground only a story below. Suffice it to state Mocha never visited her friend’s roomie or Rocky ever again. Nothing against snakes, just not snakes that don’t stay in one place. What was my point?

          Rihanna GQ five 2013                  Rihanna GQ four 2013

Oh well. Mocha’s mantra for Miz Rihanna: Hold a snake only when you are absolutely sure it has already been fed, you’ve known it’s owner for at least a decade and you’ve had three cocktails for starters! If you don’t drink, um, good luck!

Rihanna GQ three 2013

Vodka of choice: Smirnoff Vodka.

Vodka Drink: Slippery Ruby Snake Bite – Smiroff vodka shaken with ice, cranberry and lime and sucked through a strawberry Twizzler! Eat the Twizzler when you’re finished drinking. Yum!