YOUTH, HOLLYWOOD and the RUNAWAY TRAIN

pix for Mocha blog (612x768)                       Amanda Bynes; Willow and Jaden Smith, Justin Bieber and Britney Spears. Images provided by: Albert L. Ortega; David Livingston of Getty Images and Wire Image, Yahoo movies

Ah, success.   Success is like a run-a-way train; you board the train and when it takes off at the speed of light you believe it will be too difficult to jump off.  Having children, Mocha is often told, is similar to a run-a-way train.  Often times a parent wants to jump off, but knows she/he can’t.  When Mocha was a little girl she told her mother she wanted to have children.  Unfortunately her mother’s reaction was not receptive.

“You kidding?  Children?  You’ll lose your figure, you’ll worry for the rest of your life, you’ll age a thousand years and your tits will fall to the ground and fracture your toes.  But, it’s up to you, you do whatever you want.”

Alas, ole Mocha never made it to motherhood or marriage, but Mocha always wondered what type of parent she would have been had she become one.  And if she gave birth to “talented” children and fancied not having to work the rest of her life and allow her kids make all the money, would she?  Mocha is not one to judge, she admires people who give up their lives to raise, nurture, fret over and make sure their children become productive, healthy and happy adults, who wouldn’t want that?  But, while the responsibility of being a RESPONSIBLE adult is important, oftentimes it is also very daunting.

When a child becomes a well-paid artist unfortunately parental responsibility is shifted to “managers,” “agents” “YES people” “stylists,” etc. whose main agenda is to make sure their “commodity” stays in tact for the good of entertainment.  There is nothing wrong with bringing a parent’s most precious commodity into an often over-the-top, brutal and stressful “business,” but Mocha believes being a parent BEFORE the child becomes a working commodity is VITAL.  Structure, authority, monitoring your child and LOTS OF LOVE and understanding play a very big role.  Mocha knows all about this, she had a very attentive, and nurturing parent.  Actually, Mocha did a little acting when she was a child and her mother was right there to monitor her.

When Mocha was ten years old her mother took her to an audition for the Urban production of the play ANNIE.  It was called LITTLE ORPHANED ANNIE LEE AND HER MAGIC AFRO, Mocha auditioned for and won the role of Annie Lee.  But, Mocha’s mother forgot to tell the director that Mocha was a poor reader and she occasionally stuttered.  Mocha understands now that she was dyslexic and she stuttered when she was nervous.  But, Mocha’s mother knew how much Mocha wanted to be on stage so she helped Mocha with lines, she taught Mocha how to breathe to calm her nerves and she brought Mocha to rehearsals and watched attentively to make sure no “hanger’s on” or bad influences got in Mocha’s way.  Mocha was her mother’s most valuable commodity and no one was going to get in the way of seeing Mocha to a productive adult.

Mocha got through reading her lines just fine, she even read her cast mates lines, on stage sometimes!  More importantly, Mocha shined bright as Annie Lee, only stuttered sporadically and when it came time to flying three inches above the stage floor on cables, Little Orphaned Annie Lee’s afro was like a magic carpet jetting across the stage, Mocha wasn’t nervous, she happily flew around and smiled bright.  Unfortunately, one night the guy working the cable got drunk when his wife left him and took their cherished Beagle.  When it came time to jet Annie Lee across the stage to save her orphan roommates from evil Miss Hannalotta, the cable guy fell asleep and Mocha was briskly whisked stage left into thankfully a padded wall, but she got knocked the hell out.  It was definitely a hard knock life and hard knock smack against the wall for Mocha!  Mocha emerged from that experience just fine, she only occasionally sees double and gets dizzy whenever she rides escalators.  And kudos to Mocha’s mother for being a dutiful parent and for making sure the fat six-figure check she got from the production company in lieu of litigation went toward her child’s welfare, college education, a new house and a few things for mom as well.  Yes, Mocha had a good life!

Mocha wishes all young entertainers the best in their life’s journey.  Whatever they are going through they must realize they are not alone.  More importantly, no one hates them because they took time off for illness or overwork or they got arrested for being foolish.  These people are young vital human beings who should be loved and nurtured by their parents FIRST, never mind the allure of success or what others think.  Their parents should be mature enough to nurture and guide their most precious and valuable children, and help them deal with the wolves and trappings of Hollywood.   And if their child must take a chance and jump off the train, they should allow them to jump.  There is so much more to life than being on stage.

Mocha’s mantra for young celebs:  If you DO jump off the train, you won’t be killed, because the train of success is only running away at a slow pace.   Life is what moves fast.

Mocha’s Vodka of Choice for young celebs: For children 21 and over and parents because Mocha’s mother often told her “oh my goodness, you’re driving me to drink!,”  Hangar One Vodka.  For young people under 21, sorry no alcohol.

Mocha’s drink of choice for young celebs:  A Midori Sour Vodka cocktail for the adults, vodka, Midori melon liqueur, whiskey sour mix, Sprite and cherries.  Shake with ice and pour over chilled glass with sugar on the rim. For the kiddies under 21, a “virgin” Midori Sour.

Until next time this is the Mocha Bus Pass Lady and her 4-Head Diaries signing off and wishing all young Hollywood nothing but the best. Learn to love yourselves, drink in moderation, no drugs if you can help it and learn to value your body and your life because you and your body are only young ONCE. Cheers!

Let’s all Ride Along!

kevin oshea tika

O’Shea Jackson pka Ice Cube; Tika Sumpter and Kevin Hart – stars of Ride Along. Image provided by Allied Pr/Getty 2014. Directed by Timothy Kevin Story

When Mocha Bus Pass Lady was a young girl she fancied being a situation comedy star back when “sitcoms” and variety shows were the norm.  She took numerous acting classes, she worked in the theater as a “dresser” and usher, Mocha even left home for the bright lights of Hollywood!  Alas, poor Mocha’s dreams were deferred and she ended up babysitting for the three spoiled sweetheart boys of an executive movie producer who promised Mocha a part in a movie if she would babysit them and their “I love to bite strangers” pit bull/boxer mix.  Turned out the producer only wanted Mocha as a full-time nanny, cook and dog poop picker upper rather than give her a part in a film. 

Ah, but, Mocha persevered and moved forward with pride, dignity, happiness and creativity.  Before she turned in her tenure with the very wealthy family, thankfully she was paid up front, Mocha taught the producer’s little cherubs how to tap dance and braid their willowy, blonde and brunette hair.  When the boys gave Mocha the combination to their parent’s wall safe Mocha removed lots of cash and took the boys and the dog on a journey. 

First, they hit the local toy store and loaded up the limo with tons of toys and dog treats from the pet store.  Mocha tipped the limo driver $500 every time they entered and exited the car.  Then they ventured to Costco, the kids had never before been, for some good ole processed frozen chicken wings, hot dogs, cotton flannel pajamas, turntables and “old school” gangsta rap CDs including two of the greats, Notorious B.I.G. and Tupac.

When they returned home and while the boys played with their toys, turntables and loudly bumping rap music that one of the boys played Dee Jay to, Mocha defrosted the wings and hot dogs and fried up all the bags even though the parents raised their boys and the dog to eat only lettuce, broccoli, rice and corn.  Ever resourceful Mocha made use of the veggies by frying all of them in the same lard she used for wings and hot dogs!  Mocha fed the boys and the dog all the fried chicken wings and hot dogs they could fit into their bellies and when they were nice, fat, full and lethargic, Mocha made the boys a pitcher of grape Kool Aide with a pound of sugar to wash everything down.  While the boys and the dog slept, for five straight hours, Mocha chucked the organic cleaners and used bleach and Pine Sol to wipe down the fried grease off the kitchen walls.

The boys finally awoke and immediately availed themselves at their three out of five restrooms of the lard laced protein, hot dogs, fried veggies and grape Koolaide that they consumed.  The dog relieved himself by blasting runny poop all over the massive house and back yard.  Mocha never got to the dog poop, but she performed one last good deed, by helping the boys with their homework. 

The boys had been badgering Mocha to teach them “slang,” they assumed Mocha spoke slang, and she happily obliged. Mocha helped the boys with their English homework and taught them to replace,

“The truck driver drove his truck along the road for 40 miles” with,

“The sucka truck driver drove his raggety-ass truck along the road for yo mamma, BI-YATCH!!!”  

Ah, Mocha loves kids and animals. But, what was Mocha’s point to this blog?  Well, as long as the cast and crew of Ride Along don’t eat too much friend chicken wings, fried veggies and grape Koolaide with a pound of sugar, they should have very successful careers.  Kudos to them all for an impressive opening weekend!

Mocha’s mantra for the cast & crew of “Ride Along”: Ride Along 2″ will gain even more success by adding a Vodka-drinking Auntie character who fed Ice Cube and Kevin fried chicken wings and grape Kool Aid.

Mocha’s Vodka of Choice for the cast & crew of “Ride Along”: Svedka Cherry Vodka.

Mocha’s drink of choice for the cast & crew of “Ride Along”:  Whipped Cherry Cream Martini!  Svedka Cherry Vodka mixed with ice, cherry liqueur and sparkling water.  Pour into a chilled glass topped with whipped cream and of course, a cherry!  Mocha chose Svedka Cherry because Ride Along’s opening weekend was the cherry on top!

Until next time this is the Mocha Bus Pass Lady and her 4-Head Diaries signing off and wishing everyone good drinking and the cast & crew of “Ride Along” continued success and COINS!!   Cheers!

Goodbye, Professor!

the professor Russell Johnson, 89 rip Russell Johnson, 89 — The Professor on Gilligan’s Island 1964-1967

Mocha won’t focus too much on Hollywood deaths with many of her posts, she’d rather drink, talk about Hollywood and be happy!  Mocha grew up, however, watching a lot of television at a time when it was relatively young commercially.  One of her favorite shows was Gilligan’s Island.

  RIP and blessings to Russell Johnson, his family and friends.

Ladies and Gentlemen…

 

Who is Lupita Nyong’o?

The 30-year-old actress, who landed her starring role in 12 Years a Slave before she even graduated the Yale School of Drama, has let it slip she keeps a journal, but as far as the secrets scrawled in it go, she won’t say. “I don’t want to bring that up,” Nyong’o chirps in her beguiling accent—she’s a theatrically trained, Mexican-born Kenyan living in Brooklyn, after all. But who can worry about confessions marked in a diary when what’s happening to Nyong’o in public is so very enthralling?

Lupita on learning of fame with her role in Twelve Years a Slave:

“When I learned Steve McQueen was directing and Brad Pitt was producing, I thought, Well, this is huge,” she says. “I had no expectation of getting the role at all; it was just too out there for me to think I had a chance. So I approached the audition like a rehearsal. It was my chance to have that role for 10 minutes, and I owned it. Then I got the part and the panic began.”

Lupita on her career goals as an actress:

“I would love to have a career that’s governed by the material; I always want to be part of stories that I feel are worthwhile,” she says when asked about the future. “And they don’t all have to be as heavy as 12 Years a Slave. I do my best work when I feel conviction to say something through the character I play. Always I want to have integrity and not compromise that.”

Article/Photo/Style credit:

Adam Rathe
Photographed by Steven Pan
Styled by David Vandewal  DuJour Magazine]

Mocha’s mantra: Keep doing what makes you happy, my dear beautiful  well-learned and well played Miss Lupita!

Mocha’s Vodka dujour: Chopin Vodka, a polish potato vodka named after the composer.

Mocha’s drink of choice:  Not sure if Lupita drinks, but Mocha heard she loves kale.  How ’bout a Kale and lime infused Virgin Martini with a little cranberry juice splash, shaken and poured over ice.  Interesting!  As for Ole Mocha, she’ll have her Kale and Vodka drink, too thank you!  Cheers!

 

Sassy Hot Chocolate in the house!!

sasheer zSasheer Zamata, SNL cast member

The people at SNL must have read Mocha’s emails claiming both black male cast members Kenan Tompson and Jay Pharoah are handsome, but they do not make good-looking women because they have finally decided to add a black female cast member after five years, Ms. Sasheer Zamata.  They also added two black female writers to their roster along with other guest black writers including Chris Spencer.  Whoa!  Way to go, SNL!   Cheers!

Mocha would like to toast the “powers that be” at SNL for adding a little Mocha Chocolatta flavor to their repertory.  Mocha hopes hiring qualified black people of all colors, hair styles, shapes, sizes and educations will continue in this great big world until the end of time.  Until then, watching funny black women act and write for a sketch comedy show for about 90 minutes will definitely suffice!

blk writersLaKendra Tookes and Leslie Jones, SNL writers

Mocha’s mantra for the Mocha ladies of SNL:  Get those coins, ladies!!  Well, a’right now!!!!

Mocha’s Vodka of Choice for the Mocha ladies of SNL: Monte Carlo Vodka, from France.  But look here ladies, ya’ll ain’t gonna be drinking on the job and get your butts fired.  Go on and make yourselves a cocktail when you get back to the house!  

Mocha’s drink of choice for the the Mocha ladies of SNL:  Lawd Hammercy thank you JesusI got a good job, Martini!   Some Monte Carlo and creme de cacao shaken to Rick James’ “Give it to me Baby.”   Then pour into your favorite martini glass and rejoice!

Until next time this is the Mocha Bus Pass Lady and her 4-Head Diaries signing off and wishing everyone at SNL peace, love, comradery and unity.  And please SNL keep the heat on at the studio, Chocolate people get cold easily.

Boo Boo for Honey Boo Boo

honey boo boo family

Mocha Bus Pass Lady extends her heartfelt thoughts of positive energy to the Honey Boo Boo family of the TLC show, Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.

What a horrible thing to have happen, a car crashes into you and you are forced to go to the hospital with various aches and pains rather than retire to the comfort of your home.  Mocha knows all about life-interruptus.  

I saw my bus approach the bus stop and I waved my bus pass and raced across the street to catch it.  Suddenly, out of nowhere a female bike messenger with a bagel jammed between her teeth turned the corner and BAM slammed right into me!  We both landed on the ground, my bus pass flew out of my hand and she writhed and moaned in pain with the bagel firmly set in her mouth.  She apparently had a stronger grip on her bagel than I had on my bus pass!  Being ever dutiful and kind, ole Mocha jumped up in extreme pain to see if the woman was all right.  Little did I realize how completely hungry and delirious that woman was, she called me “Uncle” and asked me if I needed my bunion lanced.  Poor thing.  She lay on the ground with her hands pinned underneath her, gnawing on that bagel like her life depended on it, must have been very hungry.  Thankfully ole Mocha was of her “right mind,” I asked her if she was in pain, and she nodded, chewed on that bagel like a cow chewing its cud, and she mumbled, “I’m labe bor wok!”  When the ambulance came the woman had nearly finished her entire bagel and she looked at me and said, “I get docked pay if I’m late.”

Mocha understood all about what being late for work meant, I’ve been late a few times myself, but thankfully I was never docked pay.  Speaking of “docked,” that bike messenger wreaked of whiskey, phew!  But, after she was given the go ahead to return to work with only minor injuries and a slight concussion she was good to go.  Meanwhile the EMT people neglected to service poor ole Mocha except for one of the friendly ambulance drivers who slipped Mocha a few packets of Motrin for my throbbing migraine.  I told the messenger to have a big cup of coffee before she got back on that bike or she might have another accident, it was only 9 o’clock in the morning.  You know what she did, she went straight across the street to the local café.  Mocha was proud of herself, she did a good thing, she stopped a potentially dangerous future collision.  When the messenger returned form the café she toted a large coffee, another bagel between her teeth and just as she set her  drink in its holder and hopped back on her bent, but workable bike, a dog on a skateboard ran into her pushing the bike on its side.  The bagel flew out from the poor woman’s teeth and her coffee spoiled all over the sidewalk.  Thankfully the dog was all right, he kept going without a scratch on him.  Poor drunk, bagel chewing woman.

My point to this story is that you never know when life will interrupt your plans but, you must push forward, eat your bagel, drink your coffee and live the best life you can.  The Honey Boo Boo family got their ‘Sketti dinner plans interrupted just like ole Mocha got her baked chicken and vodka cocktails dinner plans nearly interrupted by foolish careless people in moving vehicles.  But, we moved forward, right?  You move forward with various aches and pains from the accident, in my case a huge hickey right on the front of my already large cranium, and you pop a few aspirins and drink one or four vodka cocktails and you’re as right as rain.   

Mocha’s mantra for the Honey Boo Boo family: Hire a driver with sharp reflexes, great eye sight and make sure he carries an emergency travel kit filled with ice packs, vodka, strawberry milk for the kids and bandages.

Mocha’s Vodka of Choice for the Honey Boo Boo Family:  Stolichnaya. Mocha chose Stoli Vodka because the Honey Boo Boo family, like Stoli Vodka, are VERY original!!

Mocha’s drink of choice for the Honey Boo Boo Family:  Smash Landings Lemon Drop – Stoli Vodka with crushed Lemon  and sugar shaken with ice and poured into a chilled glass with sugar around the rim.  YUMMY!

Until next time this is the Mocha Bus Pass Lady and her 4-Head Diaries signing off and wishing everyone a crash-free and safe 2014!