vogue cover MOCHA

Mocha Bus Pass Lady would love to have had children.  She would have loved to have been someone’s loving parent who lavished them with toys and food and clothes and grandiose designer baby showers.  Mocha would have sent them to the best schools, had the best nannies and given them all the love and support they needed. 

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The idea of being a parent and having babies is a bit ironic for ole Mocha because years ago when Mocha was younger, two women in the elevator offered to read Mocha’s palm.  Although Mocha declined the offer, one of the women told her she would be a mother of two, a boy and a girl.  Who knew years later both Mocha’s boy and girl would be hairy, grow nails as sharp as fish hooks, lick their asses and poop in plastic sand-filled containers?

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Not one to dwell on the negative, I have no complaints.  Mocha is grateful to be happy and healthy and she loves when new parents gush over their brood.   But, strangely enough last night Mocha dreamed she was the offspring of Kim and Kanye Kardashian-West.  

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She imagined how wonderful life would have been to fly in private jets and wear Swaorski-studded diapers and lounge in diamond-encrusted baby cribs andsleep on top of mohair blankets and eat and drink out of Ruby infused baby bowls and bottles.  Yes, the good life!

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Well, of course Mocha woke up to the reality of her “real” life; the eight pound girl pussy rested in a corner of her bed while the nineteen pound boy pussy nestled, as per usual, safe and sound on top of her neck and chin.  Ah, mother-hood.

Speaking of motherhood, Mocha will never say “never.”  Mocha is sure that one day she will be blessed to give her loving heart to a child or two.  Of course, the hope is that when they are old enough to hold down jobs and Mocha’s husband or boyfriend has flown the coup, or passed on, the kids will support her.  Mocha is comforted in the thought that all her hard work, effort and love to her children will pay off just like little North West’s love and attention will pay off when her parents are old.  Until that inevitability, here’s wishing the Wests all the best with parenthood.  Love your children like your heart belonged to only them.  And one day hopefully, they will return that love two-fold.  Or, at least make sure your gold-plated bed pan and jeweled adult diapers are cleaned daily.

Mocha West’s wish for her loving parents:  Kim, Kanye,  time waits for no one.  One day you will have to prepare for Miss Nori’s million dollar nuptials.  And if her husband-to-be is neither Black, Irish or Armenian, just remember to be as happy for Nori as people were when you both got together.

Mocha West’s Vodka of Choice for her loving parents: Kim doesn’t drink, but should she choose to have a belt or two after dealing with Nori’s upcoming “terrible twos” here’s a choice for mom and dad!  GRAND TETON VODKA.  

Mocha West’s drink of choice for her loving parents:  White grape Vodka Sour.  Grand Teton poured over ice with white grape liqueur, Ginger Ale and a couple of cocktail cherries thrown in!  Yum!

Until next time this is the Mocha Bus Pass Lady and her 4-Head Diaries signing off and wishing all parents out there nothing but the best for you and your offspring! Cheers!


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