Goodbye, Professor!

the professor Russell Johnson, 89 rip Russell Johnson, 89 — The Professor on Gilligan’s Island 1964-1967

Mocha won’t focus too much on Hollywood deaths with many of her posts, she’d rather drink, talk about Hollywood and be happy!  Mocha grew up, however, watching a lot of television at a time when it was relatively young commercially.  One of her favorite shows was Gilligan’s Island.

  RIP and blessings to Russell Johnson, his family and friends.

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Ladies and Gentlemen…

 

Who is Lupita Nyong’o?

The 30-year-old actress, who landed her starring role in 12 Years a Slave before she even graduated the Yale School of Drama, has let it slip she keeps a journal, but as far as the secrets scrawled in it go, she won’t say. “I don’t want to bring that up,” Nyong’o chirps in her beguiling accent—she’s a theatrically trained, Mexican-born Kenyan living in Brooklyn, after all. But who can worry about confessions marked in a diary when what’s happening to Nyong’o in public is so very enthralling?

Lupita on learning of fame with her role in Twelve Years a Slave:

“When I learned Steve McQueen was directing and Brad Pitt was producing, I thought, Well, this is huge,” she says. “I had no expectation of getting the role at all; it was just too out there for me to think I had a chance. So I approached the audition like a rehearsal. It was my chance to have that role for 10 minutes, and I owned it. Then I got the part and the panic began.”

Lupita on her career goals as an actress:

“I would love to have a career that’s governed by the material; I always want to be part of stories that I feel are worthwhile,” she says when asked about the future. “And they don’t all have to be as heavy as 12 Years a Slave. I do my best work when I feel conviction to say something through the character I play. Always I want to have integrity and not compromise that.”

Article/Photo/Style credit:

Adam Rathe
Photographed by Steven Pan
Styled by David Vandewal  DuJour Magazine]

Mocha’s mantra: Keep doing what makes you happy, my dear beautiful  well-learned and well played Miss Lupita!

Mocha’s Vodka dujour: Chopin Vodka, a polish potato vodka named after the composer.

Mocha’s drink of choice:  Not sure if Lupita drinks, but Mocha heard she loves kale.  How ’bout a Kale and lime infused Virgin Martini with a little cranberry juice splash, shaken and poured over ice.  Interesting!  As for Ole Mocha, she’ll have her Kale and Vodka drink, too thank you!  Cheers!

 

Sassy Hot Chocolate in the house!!

sasheer zSasheer Zamata, SNL cast member

The people at SNL must have read Mocha’s emails claiming both black male cast members Kenan Tompson and Jay Pharoah are handsome, but they do not make good-looking women because they have finally decided to add a black female cast member after five years, Ms. Sasheer Zamata.  They also added two black female writers to their roster along with other guest black writers including Chris Spencer.  Whoa!  Way to go, SNL!   Cheers!

Mocha would like to toast the “powers that be” at SNL for adding a little Mocha Chocolatta flavor to their repertory.  Mocha hopes hiring qualified black people of all colors, hair styles, shapes, sizes and educations will continue in this great big world until the end of time.  Until then, watching funny black women act and write for a sketch comedy show for about 90 minutes will definitely suffice!

blk writersLaKendra Tookes and Leslie Jones, SNL writers

Mocha’s mantra for the Mocha ladies of SNL:  Get those coins, ladies!!  Well, a’right now!!!!

Mocha’s Vodka of Choice for the Mocha ladies of SNL: Monte Carlo Vodka, from France.  But look here ladies, ya’ll ain’t gonna be drinking on the job and get your butts fired.  Go on and make yourselves a cocktail when you get back to the house!  

Mocha’s drink of choice for the the Mocha ladies of SNL:  Lawd Hammercy thank you JesusI got a good job, Martini!   Some Monte Carlo and creme de cacao shaken to Rick James’ “Give it to me Baby.”   Then pour into your favorite martini glass and rejoice!

Until next time this is the Mocha Bus Pass Lady and her 4-Head Diaries signing off and wishing everyone at SNL peace, love, comradery and unity.  And please SNL keep the heat on at the studio, Chocolate people get cold easily.

Boo Boo for Honey Boo Boo

honey boo boo family

Mocha Bus Pass Lady extends her heartfelt thoughts of positive energy to the Honey Boo Boo family of the TLC show, Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.

What a horrible thing to have happen, a car crashes into you and you are forced to go to the hospital with various aches and pains rather than retire to the comfort of your home.  Mocha knows all about life-interruptus.  

I saw my bus approach the bus stop and I waved my bus pass and raced across the street to catch it.  Suddenly, out of nowhere a female bike messenger with a bagel jammed between her teeth turned the corner and BAM slammed right into me!  We both landed on the ground, my bus pass flew out of my hand and she writhed and moaned in pain with the bagel firmly set in her mouth.  She apparently had a stronger grip on her bagel than I had on my bus pass!  Being ever dutiful and kind, ole Mocha jumped up in extreme pain to see if the woman was all right.  Little did I realize how completely hungry and delirious that woman was, she called me “Uncle” and asked me if I needed my bunion lanced.  Poor thing.  She lay on the ground with her hands pinned underneath her, gnawing on that bagel like her life depended on it, must have been very hungry.  Thankfully ole Mocha was of her “right mind,” I asked her if she was in pain, and she nodded, chewed on that bagel like a cow chewing its cud, and she mumbled, “I’m labe bor wok!”  When the ambulance came the woman had nearly finished her entire bagel and she looked at me and said, “I get docked pay if I’m late.”

Mocha understood all about what being late for work meant, I’ve been late a few times myself, but thankfully I was never docked pay.  Speaking of “docked,” that bike messenger wreaked of whiskey, phew!  But, after she was given the go ahead to return to work with only minor injuries and a slight concussion she was good to go.  Meanwhile the EMT people neglected to service poor ole Mocha except for one of the friendly ambulance drivers who slipped Mocha a few packets of Motrin for my throbbing migraine.  I told the messenger to have a big cup of coffee before she got back on that bike or she might have another accident, it was only 9 o’clock in the morning.  You know what she did, she went straight across the street to the local café.  Mocha was proud of herself, she did a good thing, she stopped a potentially dangerous future collision.  When the messenger returned form the café she toted a large coffee, another bagel between her teeth and just as she set her  drink in its holder and hopped back on her bent, but workable bike, a dog on a skateboard ran into her pushing the bike on its side.  The bagel flew out from the poor woman’s teeth and her coffee spoiled all over the sidewalk.  Thankfully the dog was all right, he kept going without a scratch on him.  Poor drunk, bagel chewing woman.

My point to this story is that you never know when life will interrupt your plans but, you must push forward, eat your bagel, drink your coffee and live the best life you can.  The Honey Boo Boo family got their ‘Sketti dinner plans interrupted just like ole Mocha got her baked chicken and vodka cocktails dinner plans nearly interrupted by foolish careless people in moving vehicles.  But, we moved forward, right?  You move forward with various aches and pains from the accident, in my case a huge hickey right on the front of my already large cranium, and you pop a few aspirins and drink one or four vodka cocktails and you’re as right as rain.   

Mocha’s mantra for the Honey Boo Boo family: Hire a driver with sharp reflexes, great eye sight and make sure he carries an emergency travel kit filled with ice packs, vodka, strawberry milk for the kids and bandages.

Mocha’s Vodka of Choice for the Honey Boo Boo Family:  Stolichnaya. Mocha chose Stoli Vodka because the Honey Boo Boo family, like Stoli Vodka, are VERY original!!

Mocha’s drink of choice for the Honey Boo Boo Family:  Smash Landings Lemon Drop – Stoli Vodka with crushed Lemon  and sugar shaken with ice and poured into a chilled glass with sugar around the rim.  YUMMY!

Until next time this is the Mocha Bus Pass Lady and her 4-Head Diaries signing off and wishing everyone a crash-free and safe 2014!

The SKYY’s the limit!

miley and ashley

The best thing to happen to a person is to have a generous benefactor or a successful friend believe in you and in what you are about and give you an opportunity at the American Dream.  Such is the case with Miss Ashley Adair aka Amazon Ashley and her “bestie” Miss Miley “Wrecking Ball” Cyrus.

Ashley, who stands 6’7″ and works for Jeff Beacher at Beacher’s Madhouse at the Roosevelt Hotel in Hollywood, is a sensitive soul, a sweet young person trying to find her way in the world and a future reality show.  Miley Cyrus is a child star who has become the hottest most extremely successful ticket these days with her amazing talents, her on stage “antics,” savvy business-sense and her wonderful sense of fun and life.

When Miley brought Ahsley into her life Ashley could not have been happier, she sings Miley’s praises and with good reason.  Ashley, currently on break from Madhouse, can be seen in Miley’s Bangerz Tour.  Mocha Bus Pass Lady wants to wish Miss Ashley Adair all the blessings she deserves.  It is very nice of Miley to help a young  “amazon” realize her dreams.  While MBPL does not know Ashley personally she often corresponds with her on Facebook as her alter ego, author, LD Sargent.  Nice woman.  Actually, Ashley’s claim to fame mirrors Mocha’s life back when she was in her twenties, Vodka-free and innocent and creative and sweet.

Mocha met an Afro-German-Choctaw cobbler and part-time professional tambourinist named Horacio Bumpy Clockholter.  Horacio saw Mocha on stage in local production of Cinderella titled Brown Cinderella and her Dancing Pumpkins, Mocha played Brown Cinderella.  Horacio, who was married at the time with four young children and could only hear in one ear, chose Mocha to be in his next production; he was also a part-time music producer with a recording studio in his basement.  When his wife went out of town with the kids Horace talked Mocha into coming to his studio to record her first album.  Mocha missed the bus to Horacio’s house, so he picked her up in his mini van…naked.  Mocha gracefully ‘bowed out” of Horacio’s generous recording offer and ran all the way back home.  She never returned his calls, but Mocha takes pride in the fact that had Horacio been clothed, honest and a REAL music producer she might have had her opportunity at the American Dream.  Ashley is a lucky woman to have someone in her life who trusts her enough to help her find her way up the path to success.  Cudos to them both!

Mocha’s mantra for Miss Ashley:  Stay positive, young, tall, smiling, dancing, partying, and drinking (in moderation).  Go out and do all the fun stuff you should be doing at a young age.  Keep the party going until biology forces you to slow down and strap on a support bra; wear flats; drink moderately; bend and stretch before getting out of bed; pop a plethora of vitamins; wear your bus pass around your neck; etc.

Mocha’s Vodka of Choice for Miss Ashley:    Skyy Vodka. Mocha Chose Skyy Vodka because the SKY is the limit!!

Mocha’s drink of choice for Miss Ashley:  Happy Endings Martini – Skyy Vodka with blended Strawberrys and Pineapple shaken with ice and poured into a chilled glass with pink sugar around the rim.  YUM!

Until next time this is the Mocha Bus Pass Lady and her 4-Head Diaries signing off!  Happy holidays and a warm and happy New Year to all!

West rides North’s mom South

kimyePhoto courtesy of E. Degeneres Show

Mocha Bus Pass Lady just viewed a curious, cute, caustic, kind of quirky video by Mr. Kanye West and Ms. Kim Kardashian.  While Mocha is not a fan of motorcycles, I loved the fun way the new parents of baby North expressed their love to the world. 

Kimye, as the couple are deemed by their peers and fans, chose to express their love and devotion for each other in, what else, a video.  The video is an interesting moving camera shot of Kim bouncing naked to the rhythm of a motorbike and Kanye rapping with green screen mountain shots in a “I-am–not-afraid-to-be-provocative-with-my-lover” voyeuristic public way.  Hmm.  Would Mocha trust her boyfriend to ride her bare butt naked on a motorbike with her big brown boobs flapping in the wind  and slapping his nose while he rapped his undying love to her?  Let me get back to you on that one.

Speaking of bouncing naked on a bike, Mocha was caught in the rain this morning going to the dentist for a teeth cleaning.  I stood inside a wet BART station waiting for the downtown train when a man wearing a rain coat, sneakers and a baseball cap and he smelled like a wet dog, from the rain I assumed, approached me for a cigarette.  

When I answered the man, “no, sorry I don’t smoke,” he began to cry and accused me of judging him for being addicted to tobacco.  I told him I was addicted to morning coffee if it was any comfort.  Turned out our addictions bonded us and the next thing Mocha knew I was being followed by the rain-smelling transient for about three blocks.  I ducked into an alley to a motorcycle idling next to a dumpster. 

When Mocha was in her twenties her boyfriend dared her to ride his exercise bike naked; Mocha loved a dare.  She pulled off all her clothes and her ex-boyfriend picked her up and tried to set her on his exercise bike, but he accidentally dropped her and  caused her to bang her knee on the bike pedal.  Ouch!  Just when Mocha snapped out of that painful remembrance two young people, a young man and young woman, raced into the alley, jumped on the bike, both were dressed, and before Mocha could say “hey, you just ran over my bunions!” they drove off.

What the hell was my point?  Was I trying to help Kimye with their bunion issue?  Hmm, oh well.

Mocha’s mantra for the video-loving exhibitionists Kim and Kanye is: always find time to share your love with each other and with the world.  Love is what makes life absolutely bearable!  Also, Mocha thanks Kimye for sharing beautiful pictures of their little girl who, Mocha believes, will be their treasure for life.

Mocha’s Vodka de jour: Absolut

Mocha’s drink de jour:   Black and White Roaring Mojito – A blend or hard shake of ice; lime; mint leaves and brown sugar.  And add a splash of grenadine, and chapagne, Yum!

Until next time this is the Mocha Bus Pass Lady signing off.  Cheers!

The secret to a happy life, WINGS!

VS pix 1 Adriana Lima
Adriana Lima

Well, another weekend approaches and Mocha Bus Pass Lady is very happy to spend her Friday night doing exactly what she does every other night, drink Vodka!  The last two weeks had poor Mocha getting over a horrible inconvenience, a cold coupled with allergies. Yes, it was a mucus-filled-cough-‘till-your-kidneys-explode party!  But, Mocha’s all better now and she’s ecstatic to be back to her happy, drunken self!

VS pix 2 Cindy Bruna
Cindy Bruna

Speaking of drunk, Mocha would have loved to have been invited to the Victoria Secret Fashion event in New York City.  Not just to view tall, skinny women in beautiful underwear, high heels and wings, but she would have loved to see all the noted folks” and celebrities ogling the fashion event.  I would have loved to interview those happy people and get the “scoop” on them and offer my services and mantras to help them in their daily lives.  Which reminds me of the time I went holiday shopping years ago.

VS pix 3 Alessandra Ambrosio
Alessandra Ambrosio

One cold November evening Mocha went holiday shopping for herself at the Ross Dress for Less store in downtown San Francisco, Ca.  I wore a long knitted sweater, floppy straw hat, dark shades and I toted a huge burlap bag, well it was my “purse.”  Mocha always carried big purses with her. Anywhoo, security kept following ole Mocha, which was slightly annoying, after all, I had planned on purchasing items.  To prevent any further shifty-eyed perusal of Mocha by security I removed my shades hoping they would lighten up, they didn’t.  I then I removed my sweater and tossed it over my arm.  I continued to walk to the back where they had the bras and panties and I began filing through the racks.  Unbeknownst to poor Mocha, who had been drinking earlier that afternoon with a couple of girlfriends, I was completely bare butt-naked, not a stitch, not a bra, not panties.  I wore shoes.

VS pix 4 Joan Smalls
Joan Smalls

I didn’t think I had that many drinks, but apparently I had more to drink than to eat!  Luckily for poor inebriated ole Mocha and her little brown bare body, including fifty pounds of mid-life boobage that happily flopped side to side and up and down, grateful to be free from the restraints of my bra, I was pounced upon by a tiny Asian woman, a tourist, whose salivating, also Asian husband, could not take his eyes of my huge purse.  Or my boobs, whichever.  She covered me with her coat and within moments security snatched me up and dragged my drunk-ass to the back room to wait for the cops.  Good lord, what was my point about Victoria’s Secret? 

I do remember sitting in a Ross Dress for Less overcoat in the back room while I waited for the cops to take me to jail for an overnight “sober slumber.”  One of the security guards, one of many who followed me around the store, offered me a plate of fried chicken wings which I thought was nice.  Maybe WINGS, I wanted to talk about wings.  They were delis!  Eating those wings did kind of save Mocha, well it helped me to sober up since I had not eaten since gulping down all those martinis with my girls.  Yeap, wings held me up like the wings Vickie’s Secrets models wore on their backs.! Speaking of models, Mocha would like to offer a mantra for those lovely tall, skinny Vickie’s Secret models who wear beautiful wings, but who endure painful cat walking in eight-inch heels.

Photos courtesy of Eonline.com 2013

Mocha’s mantra for Vickie’s Secret models:  Ladies, overly long heels make your long legs look like chop sticks inside melons. To help with tight shoes, bunions and falling all over the cat walk, Mocha’s mantra for you is that you learn to cat walk barefoot, but paint your feet to look like shoes, like you paint your bodies to look like clothes.  Trust Mocha, no one will ever notice. 

Mocha’s Vodka of Choice for Vickie’s Secret models: Tito’s Vodka Tito’s vodka is gluten free and super delis!!

Mocha’s drink of choice for the Vickie’s Secret Models:  Vickie’s Naked “Secret” Martini – Cucumber Vodka Martini w/lime and agave nectar.

Until next time this is the Mocha Bus Pass Lady and her 4-Head Diaries signing off!  Cheers!

Snakes on a “plain” girl!

Rihanna GQ two 2013                                                                                       Photo courtesy of GQ magazine 2013

Ah, Mocha loves the energy Miz Rihanna gives! She is fire, she is ice, sometimes she is a little girl, sometimes she is a grown-ass woman or a tatted-up vixen or an herb-smoking Rasta gal or sometimes she poses naked with snakes covered over her body. Yikes! Not something ole Mocha would ever try especially considering her middle-aged boobs no longer stay perked up. If I held a snake across my naked upper torso I would probably smother the poor beast to death! Nothing wrong with snakes, nothing at all if you don’t mind slippery, slimy long vermin that could swallow whole a 10 pound feline.

Rihanna GQ 2013

Rihanna is a busy working girl, she needs time to blow off steam and wrap snakes around her nubile young body, what 20-something wouldn’t? Which reminds me of the time I visited with a friend whose roomie kept a long, white pet snake in a cage underneath his bed. I think his name was Rocky.

Anyway, Rocky was an old snake, so he spent most of his time underneath the bed in the darkness. But, occasionally my friend’s roommate let Rocky out to peruse the apartment. On the day I visited the roomie asked me to check in on old Rocky. I was scared, but I bravely opened the bedroom door and looked under the bed and to my surprise Rocky was not there. I looked out of the open window and still no Rocky. Then I saw a long white thing slither up the wall toward the window, the snake was inside the bedroom. I let a screech like a weather-worn Horseshoe Bat with its ears caught on a prickly tree branch and I bolted out of the window and onto the ground only a story below. Suffice it to state Mocha never visited her friend’s roomie or Rocky ever again. Nothing against snakes, just not snakes that don’t stay in one place. What was my point?

          Rihanna GQ five 2013                  Rihanna GQ four 2013

Oh well. Mocha’s mantra for Miz Rihanna: Hold a snake only when you are absolutely sure it has already been fed, you’ve known it’s owner for at least a decade and you’ve had three cocktails for starters! If you don’t drink, um, good luck!

Rihanna GQ three 2013

Vodka of choice: Smirnoff Vodka.

Vodka Drink: Slippery Ruby Snake Bite – Smiroff vodka shaken with ice, cranberry and lime and sucked through a strawberry Twizzler! Eat the Twizzler when you’re finished drinking. Yum!