Well, another weekend approaches and Mocha Bus Pass Lady is very happy to spend her Friday night doing exactly what she does every other night, drink Vodka! The last two weeks had poor Mocha getting over a horrible inconvenience, a cold coupled with allergies. Yes, it was a mucus-filled-cough-‘till-your-kidneys-explode party! But, Mocha’s all better now and she’s ecstatic to be back to her happy, drunken self!
Speaking of drunk, Mocha would have loved to have been invited to the Victoria Secret Fashion event in New York City. Not just to view tall, skinny women in beautiful underwear, high heels and wings, but she would have loved to see all the noted folks” and celebrities ogling the fashion event. I would have loved to interview those happy people and get the “scoop” on them and offer my services and mantras to help them in their daily lives. Which reminds me of the time I went holiday shopping years ago.
One cold November evening Mocha went holiday shopping for herself at the Ross Dress for Less store in downtown San Francisco, Ca. I wore a long knitted sweater, floppy straw hat, dark shades and I toted a huge burlap bag, well it was my “purse.” Mocha always carried big purses with her. Anywhoo, security kept following ole Mocha, which was slightly annoying, after all, I had planned on purchasing items. To prevent any further shifty-eyed perusal of Mocha by security I removed my shades hoping they would lighten up, they didn’t. I then I removed my sweater and tossed it over my arm. I continued to walk to the back where they had the bras and panties and I began filing through the racks. Unbeknownst to poor Mocha, who had been drinking earlier that afternoon with a couple of girlfriends, I was completely bare butt-naked, not a stitch, not a bra, not panties. I wore shoes.
I didn’t think I had that many drinks, but apparently I had more to drink than to eat! Luckily for poor inebriated ole Mocha and her little brown bare body, including fifty pounds of mid-life boobage that happily flopped side to side and up and down, grateful to be free from the restraints of my bra, I was pounced upon by a tiny Asian woman, a tourist, whose salivating, also Asian husband, could not take his eyes of my huge purse. Or my boobs, whichever. She covered me with her coat and within moments security snatched me up and dragged my drunk-ass to the back room to wait for the cops. Good lord, what was my point about Victoria’s Secret?
I do remember sitting in a Ross Dress for Less overcoat in the back room while I waited for the cops to take me to jail for an overnight “sober slumber.” One of the security guards, one of many who followed me around the store, offered me a plate of fried chicken wings which I thought was nice. Maybe WINGS, I wanted to talk about wings. They were delis! Eating those wings did kind of save Mocha, well it helped me to sober up since I had not eaten since gulping down all those martinis with my girls. Yeap, wings held me up like the wings Vickie’s Secrets models wore on their backs.! Speaking of models, Mocha would like to offer a mantra for those lovely tall, skinny Vickie’s Secret models who wear beautiful wings, but who endure painful cat walking in eight-inch heels.
Photos courtesy of Eonline.com 2013
Mocha’s mantra for Vickie’s Secret models: Ladies, overly long heels make your long legs look like chop sticks inside melons. To help with tight shoes, bunions and falling all over the cat walk, Mocha’s mantra for you is that you learn to cat walk barefoot, but paint your feet to look like shoes, like you paint your bodies to look like clothes. Trust Mocha, no one will ever notice.
Mocha’s Vodka of Choice for Vickie’s Secret models: Tito’s Vodka. Tito’s vodka is gluten free and super delis!!
Mocha’s drink of choice for the Vickie’s Secret Models: Vickie’s Naked “Secret” Martini – Cucumber Vodka Martini w/lime and agave nectar.
Until next time this is the Mocha Bus Pass Lady and her 4-Head Diaries signing off! Cheers!